I remember an acquaintance of mine who told me, that as soon as she would close her eyes, she would feel the sadness inside and start crying.

 

Sometimes we just have too much buildup. Meditation can help anybody but some of us have so much suffering that has been repressed over time, that we need something, a stronger catharsis, and meditation is not necessarily the best practice to deal with our situation at the moment.

 

Sometimes it is also about your karma and perhaps, you are not ready yet. That’s why I always tell people not to force meditation or force yourself into a meditation retreat.

 

The people who do the best in meditation retreats are those who have gone there somewhat organically. They have let themselves be drawn to it.

 

Some of you might not be there yet, and it’s totally fine. Each and every one of us is on their own path.

 

Going to a meditation retreat for months and meditating, does not make you superior and your unreadiness to meditate does not make you inferior.

 

Wherever you are, there you are. The first thing you can do is acknowledged the suffering and commit to not making it worse.

 

By that, I mean not running away from it or exacerbating it with actions such as indulging in intoxicants and/or hurting yourself.

 

Talk to your friends, talk to your family, talk to a doctor, eliminate people and things from your life, that does not help you.

 

Try more and more to see the beauty in life and the beauty in you because there is a lot of it in you. Your vision is just a bit blurry at the moment.

 

You can also do things like a burning ritual. Draw a line in the middle of a paper. On the left, write down everything you don’t like about yourself, the negativity, the fears, the doubts, etc..

On the right side, write down all of your positive aspects. Take your time, I know this can be hard, but once you start, it will get easier and easier.

 

Once you are done, tear the paper in the middle and read everything that was on the left side of that line and then burns it. Let it go in flames.

 

The other half of the paper, keep it, treasure it and read it as much as you need to read it, to know that there is beauty in you.

 

Choose things that make you feel better. Do things that make you feel better. Remember you are being kind to yourself, you are nurturing and having an unconditional relationship with yourself.

 

After some time you will be able to sit down and meditate when you have slowly but surely let go of some of the heavy stuff you hold inside.

 

There will be a time when you will be meditating and a feeling of relief will come up. Tears will start streaming down your eyes.

 

You will look back at where you were and see where you are now. You will feel gratitude, love, and appreciation for yourself and your life.

 

So wherever you are, whatever you have done, whoever you are and however you feel. Know that you are worthy of love and forgiveness, especially your own.

 

Do not despair too much. There is a process and some discipline is needed but you don’t need to do much aside from caring, truly caring for yourself regardless of if you meditate or not. 

 

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