- Sebastien Grynko
Let’s see how one romantic encounter can lead to becoming strangers again. Those are the steps we are going to discuss.
The first step is the meeting :
Probably one of the most appealing moment in a love story. You know how it is, you go to a party and you meet someone. Or you bump into a person on the street and shortly after there it is, that instant attraction. The connection is born and all of a sudden everything seems right with the world.
The second step is the chase and the first kiss :
My personal favourite, the person you like becomes your obsession and the only object of your desires. All you do is long for that person. The excitement grows as you are about to go meet them. Butterflies are filing your stomach like never before. Your jaw is sore from smiling so much. You are high, the most natural high ever. No need for manufactured chemicals... That person is all you need...
Soon comes the moment of truth... Where all ambiguity stops... The first kiss... All you’re thinking about is that moment where your lips meet but you’re anxious... You don’t know when to go for it... You hesitate, you contemplate and eventually you give in.. And it is everything you have ever dreamed it would be.. From that moment on, the relationship is born...
The third step is the honeymoon period
It’s you and that person against the world. It’s all rainbows and butterflies. Desires and interest levels are at an all time high for the both of you. You forsake friends and family to be with your beloved. You count every minute apart. Time seems so long when you’re separated yet it goes by so fast when you’re together.
At this moment you feel that nothing will ever be able to replace that person or that feeling. You feel that your relationship can withstand anything and everything. Your love is so strong. Nobody has had a bond that was so powerful and real. Couples who have failed are just suckers. Nothing can and will come between you and your paramour. Eventually things will wind down and the next step will come eventually
Tolerance and downhill :
Nothing can stay so high forever. At one point or another things will simmer down. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. It all depends on how you go about it. Here is what happens when it goes sideways.
Remember the time not so long ago when the only thing you were thinking about is how you can surprise this person and always try to bring novelty and variety in your paramour’s life.
Now that time has gone... As Mary Hopkins said : “Those were the days my friends... we thought they’d never end” But they do end. And now what ?
Sitting on the couch letting the uglier face of a routine rears its mug. What was once passion is now mundane. That flame has turned to dust and soon ashes will be the only thing left.
At that point when the rose coloured glasses become prescription glasses. You see that other person for what they really are, just another human being with their flaws, quirks and idiosyncrasies.
Now inevitably you will start seeing what you don’t like about that person because the high has become low and your impaired vision is now 20/20. This can last for a while and can be dragged along for weeks, months, years, decades or a lifetime...
As death do us part as they said.
The breakup :
Usually though it ends with the last step, the breakup. That’s when the dreaded words : “We need to talk” will fall at one point of your day. It might be a text, a phone call or something your better half tells you before they leave for work.
But at this moment you’re not fooling yourself anymore. You know where this is going. You hit the point of no return way back already. This is just the closing page. One last time you will sit next to this person.
Hopefully it will be civil and cordial. Hands will be held. Tears will be shed. Words will be shared and bonds will be shattered. Now it's time to part ways.
At this point you’re not really alone. You’re haunted by the ghost of that person. Your life is now free of the most recent bad but it is also devoid of the past good. You will eventually move on and probably lose touch. That person who was once a stranger and who became your everything is now a stranger once again.
Sometimes a breakup is the best thing to do. Sometimes two people are just not compatible, and perhaps the matchmaking did not make much sense to begin with.
Sometimes, however the relationship could have been saved. The two are compatible, the only thing that stands in their way is their naivety and lack of discipline and effort.
Once you have passed the honeymoon phase you need to understand that this is normal. It can’t last forever, not this way at least but it can come full circle again if you work at it.
The key is not to take the other person for granted. You need to value them and work to keep novelty and variety in the relationship. Of course life will take over but there is always space for some spark and passion.
The discipline you need to keep is those things that made you so passionate to begin with. The touches, the kisses, the surprises, the enthusiasm.. Sometimes you will see in the other person, things you don’t like.. You need not point it out bluntly with bitterness and frustration.
You can choose the right time and the right way to tell this person how you feel with ease and at peace. On the flip side when that person does something you like. Praise them. Acknowledge them. Tell them how good they are.
What you encourage will tend to grow. You need to be the mirror of the other person’s best potential not the bitter critic that points out only the bad. Honeymoon phase is great but when it comes to pass that’s when the real love kicks in and perhaps you will get your happy ending
- Sebastien Grynko